I’m a Crappy Mom… are you too?

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{I apologize if the word crap offends you… it has a special place in this post and I felt it was important to use it}

I love happiness. It’s no secret. I write here at It’s a Lovely Life! with my reader’s happiness in mind. Even if I write about something serious I do so with humor {like my PTA post}. I never want this to be a place that brings about any other emotion but happiness for you my awesome reader, and me too!

With this in mind, I was compelled to write this post after I saw another blogger attacked for posting the picture above. It was another “episode” of MOMMY WARS!

I’ve been lucky to have avoided any episodes of mommy wars here… but I really wanted to share with you all how I felt after reading some comments where other Moms were called “crappy” moms. It started me thinking about all the perceived “crappy” ways I’m a “crappy” mom! I might share tips and tricks that work for my family but I am by no means saying that everyone has to follow my lead. I just love to share what I find to be working right now, for my family. What I don’t normally share are my “crappy” mom moves. Here are a few:

  •  I take my kids out of school every once in awhile and we go to Disneyland.  They are both “A” students and I do this when they have nothing important going on. I think fun is just as important as learning. I’m sure some people think I’m pretty “crappy” for doing this.
  • All three of my kids had formula. Two of them had pumped breast milk too… I did this for medical reasons for two of them and the third was adopted and I was not lactating. I could care less how people feed their babies as long as they and their doctor agree they are doing the best for their child.  It is none of my business and I trust moms and dads to do their best. There are so many reasons that a child can not have breast milk… it’s not my place to question anyone’s business but my own. I did my best, but I still get called “crappy” because of this.
  • I’m raising my kids as vegetarians. The older 2 chose this way of eating a few years ago. The 2-year-old chose this too when she would refuse meat. I introduced meat to all of my children and have nothing against it per se… I just think it’s healthier not to eat it and I don’t like to eat it because I think of animals as friends, not food. My husband eats meat. I still love him. If my children decided to eat meat tomorrow I would be perfectly okay with that and I would buy and cook it for them. I know this makes me a “crappy” mom to many people.
  • My girls are all current on their vaccines. The older two were born premature and had some minor health issues so I took their doctors advice and did a delayed vaccination schedule for the first year or so. I believe in vaccinations. This makes me a “crappy” mom to some.
  • I used disposable diapers with all three. Yep, I’m a crappy mom {hehe… pun intended}
  • For their first couple of years… the older two slept in bed with me. Yes, I said me. My sweet husband was sick of being kicked and pushed and made a habit of sleeping on the floor. Baby number 3 slept next to me in a co-sleeper attached to my bed. “Crappy” mom here!
  • I’ve been talking to my kids about smoking, drugs, alcohol, and the right kind of husband to marry since they were born. I’ve used discussions and terms that are age appropriate… but we have these talks often. If they get pregnant, drunk, smoke, do drugs and marry a jerk at 16 I take full responsibility. I’ve made it my life goal for them to have a good like {whatever they consider good and makes them happy works for me}. I guess this makes me a “crappy” mom.
  • My daughter knows she’s adopted. She’s not “special” because she is adopted. It’s just the way she came into our family. My other two are not “special” because they have my DNA. I talk openly and positively about the selfless person that placed her for adoption. I do this out of love for both my daughter and her first mom.  I know it scares people that we are this open and they think I’m a “crappy” mom.
  • I homeschool one of my daughters with a program where she has instruction in a traditional environment one day a week. This is not the mainstream that we are used to. I’m a “crappy” mom, what can I say?
  • I yell, I make demands and I’ve been known to threaten the life of a stuffed animal. I have my moments. I’m tough and understanding, but I will only settle for the best from my kids. I’m a “crappy” mom!

I think you get the picture. We are all doing our best. We all wake up each day and put our best foot forward. We have the same goal. Us moms all want our kids to be happy and healthy. We all go about this in a different way. Breast or bottle. Formula or breast milk. Disposable or cloth… we do what is best for our child and our family.

I rise to the challenge and invite you to join me… let’s judge less. Let’s share ideas more. Let’s not just get along… let’s use our shared resources to help each other raise the best kids possible. Let’s remember the old saying “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. Let’s share our opinions and respect others.

Let’s focus on loving our kids {not hating each other}!

Heather Reese
the authorHeather Reese
Heather Delaney Reese is the storyteller and photographer behind the lifestyle and family travel blog, It's a Lovely Life®! For the past decade, she has vacationed over 150 days a year with her family. She is a vegan, and loves being by the water, spending time with her children, husband, 2 Shih Tzus and Cat.


    • Dawn, I loved it too! I loved being right there in case they needed me 🙂 I do feel bad {a little, lol} about my husband sleeping on the floor though… but I wouldn’t change it for anything!

  • This has got to be the best article I have read in 2012!! I absolutely agree! As I sit here sleep deprived from being kicked in the back by my 15 month old all night………zzzzzzzzz……Oops sorry!! Fell asleep! 🙂

    • Thanks Bekki! LOL! Ah, the back kicks. I swear I was black and blue at one point and thought in my head how hard it would be to explain it to my Dr… “uh, it was my kids kicking in their sleep!” 🙂

      Hope you get some good sleep soon!

      PS. Coffee is your friend!

  • Wouldn’t it be boring if we all raised our kids exactly the same to become exactly the same adults?! 🙂 You are the best, crappy mom your kids will ever have!

    • Camille, that is a great point! If we all had the same kids what fun would the world be! When I was little we were told to celebrate our differences because that is what you “you”!

  • What a great post! Having two daughters that are now young adults, I am really thankful that I am no longer a ‘mommy’ blogger when it comes to stuff like this.
    I loved your list of crappy mommy things and to me it sounds like you are a WONDERFUL Mom who defiantly puts your children first!
    Awesome post!!

  • Pingback: Why I am a crappy mom.... #NotACrappyMom - My Crafty Life
  • There’s so much to say. We all have our own style. I still look back and ask myself, why I did this or that and how I might have done things differently if I had a chance. But, I guess I’m semi okay because our grown men at ages 38, 39, and 40 are wonderderful, warm generous human beings and sons. They chose exceptional wives and lead very sucessful lives. So, does that make me a Proud “cappy mom”? I guess so with the emphasis on “proud”.

  • I am a crappy mom too, it’s ok, we all are in someone’s eyes. I put a TV in my kids room, don’t limit their TV time (sorry it helps me get my stuff done around the house, run a business, house, homeschool and ministry). They have their own limit on TV time and at most will only watch an hour on their own without limiting it, most of the time it is turned on for background noise, but I know if I put a limit on it, they will want it more. I don’t homeschool perfectly (first year and still learning), but I try. I love my kids and would do anything for them and for their happiness. I totally fit into your crappy mom list too 🙂 Great post and I LOVE the pic!

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