{Part 2} So Close To My Heart, aka come hear my secrets

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If you haven’t already, please check out part 1 first! My ramblings will make {maybe a little} more sense.

{This picture was taken right around the time we decided to grow our family. How could I not want another one of these?}

After we decided that we wanted another child it seemed obvious to me how this was going to happen. I would have a tubal reversal. Simple as that.

Of course nothing is ever “simple”.

In what I thought was a pretty clear way to grow our family, I quickly learned that my husband had no intention of me carrying a baby. See when I was dropping all those hints about desperately wanting a baby I had also mentioned using a Surrogate to carry and deliver our biological child. You know how you sometimes ramble on about something and have no idea that anyone is actually listening. Yep, that happened to me.

We had a heart to heart and he was 100 % on board for growing our family, but was 100% against me carrying the baby.

My husband means the world to me and would never want to hurt me… but I truly felt like the biggest looser that ever walked the planet. All I heard was that my husband didn’t trust me to carry our baby. Silly I know. That’s not what he was thinking at all… he was just using his sensible mind while I had this delusion in my mind that somehow all the bad things that happened in our last pregnancies would somehow get better with age. It’s amazing how “want a baby” brain can cause a complete mental block. We went back and forth on this. I called my OB and was shocked when he agreed with my husband. He said something along the lines of I was “crazy” for trying and I’d be lucky to come out of it alive. {a real warning}.

See, I’ve had these crazy warnings in my life. Someone will say something and I will hear it in a completely different tone than a normal conversation. I know instantly it’s a warning and I used to ignore them. As I’ve gotten older {I’d like to say wiser too} I’ve learned to actually listen to them.

Sounds crazy? Here’s a perfect example {note, these warnings are not all bad}. I’m 21 and sitting at my desk at work. At the time I was a Financial Services Manager of a small local bank. In walks the mother of a man I briefly dated. We had a quick conversation where she asked that I not give up on her son {she didn’t understand that it was a mutually agreed upon “bad match”}. I didn’t have time to chat long so she got up and said, just don’t go getting married or anything. When she said it I got that feeling I get whenever I hear these crazy warnings. I thought I’m 21… I have no plans to get married for YEARS and I don’t even have a boyfriend. Later that night I went out with friends. We were upstairs in a local pub. I saw a man that I thought was good looking, kind, nice and there was just something I was drawn to. Before I could say anything my friend pointed him out and said she wanted to meet him. I said not to bother and that I was going to marry him. I’m not sure who was more shocked, me or her. I had no idea why I said that and she thought I was crazy.

Fast forward a few minutes. Up walks that “cute guy”. I’ll share the whole story soon… but let’s just say we were married 7 months later! See why I believe in these little “warnings”!

If only I had listened to my OB. His words were wiser than I could have imagined.

Knowing that my husband was dead set against anything other than using a Surrogate, I focused on the whole “add a baby to our family thing” and threw myself into learning everything I could about Surrogacy. Oh my gosh! My eyes were opened to a whole new world.

Next up, finding and meeting a surrogate and almost being taken for a huge ride {not a nice ride I might add}.